Mini essay: on the subconscious bias towards sexism
The bias towards sexism is so ingrained in our systems and societies that even the most well intentioned and woke of my guy friends or colleagues (and even female friends because of internalized sexism) has at some point made an off-hand sexist comment that I may not have immediately picked up on (these are called micro-aggressions). Some folks are more in-your-face overt about it.
They'll be quick to assign certain characteristics to a certain gender, or unintentionally give more attention or credit to men just because they're men, or make an assumption that's tainted with sexism. They'll make blanket generalization about how women are just not as funny as men or that there are biological differences that make women simply ill-suited for certain pursuits etc. This has been the case in many interactions with my male friends for as long as I can remember (and I have had a lot of them!).
Most women, myself included, will go through life not even noticing the nature of these comments because we've internalized them so deeply, as part of our very "nature" and identity. We'll go on to believe that we're simply inadequate or less then because of the nature of those comments. With this comes internalized shame. And impostor syndrome
And while I do believe there are biological differences that predispose us towards certain tendencies along the gender spectrum, I believe making broad and unfounded generalizations based on gender to be very harmful, as it puts people in restrictive boxes and fails to account for the wide variety of unique traits, gifts and proclivities that each and every one of us possesses.
These intentional or unintentional microaggressions can have a serious toll on women's mental health (this applies to racist comments towards minorities as well), as the shaming and inadequacy narrative reinforces and perpetuates itself. (It's probably one of the reasons BIPOC tend to have higher rates of anxiety, depression, low feelings of self-worth.)
If you're hyper aware and attuned to the nature of these comments, like I'm starting to be, you will be be deeply affected by them, especially because they'll unexpectedly come up in settings where you usually feel like you can let your hair down, be yourself and feel fairly emotionally safe. It can be a mindfuck. (Treat yourself with kindness and loving compassion when that happens). You will also often find yourself having to do the emotional labor of initiating difficult conversations, calling your friends out on their blindspots and raising awareness on the issue. Pushed to extremes, this may affect your relationships and your ability to feel safe in many settings. This is just one example of how living life as woman is deeply draining and exhausting and I hope this mini-essay will raise empathy and awareness in this regard.
Man, woman, non-binary folks- What has your experience with sexism and micro aggressions been like?